Disguise

Let It Roll.....

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 // 12:43 AM

So I wrote some earlier but I decided to finish up my day by actually finishing my day. It's hard for me too see this color of font on my screen cause it's white now, but it won't ben once I post it :). So I went to baristas by myself to work on some homework but I really wasn't very productive. I have trouble focusing. After that I drove to Keydash just for the heck of it. I was bored and felt kind of akward (not really depressed but not really happy either). I sat there on the picnic table for about 20 minutes talking to Todd on the phone. The I took off because it was way to cold and creepy out there by yourself. I drove around somemore; taking the long way to PC.. well actually I took and even longer way and ended up in Sistersville first. Then I came home and sat around for a bir waiting for my mommy to get home. She brought some dinner and we watched Mary Tyler Moore. I got kind of irritated with Shannon. She and her boyfriend of approx. 3 weeks broke up and she was kind of sad, which I understand. But then she was just going on and on about how she was so lonely and that it wouldn't really be any problem for her to find a new boyfriend. This is where I started getting perturbed. Here I am, single for over 4 years now and she has the nerve to sit there and say that it's easy. Yeah, right. She was kidding that she was just going to take Todd. i was like, "if you did that, then I would push both of you off a cliff." Okay, things with Todd. We aren't dating. We are just friends. And it's good that way. I almost completely screwed that one up about 2 months ago but I'm glad that we worked through it... or at least I did. Sometimes I get the vibe that he is into my sister, which wouldn't surprise me. Any guy that I like sees her and they instantly want to drop me and hang with her. However, the only thing that she has that I don't is skinniness. Sometimes I feel that I have a better personality but then again, whos to judge. The issue of weight constantly runs through my mind. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it at least 20934209 times. I just wish I had the will and the care for myself to actually do it. Maybe I need sent somewhere to prove to myself that I am worth, because honestly, I don't feel like I deserve anything. That's just my opinion. I owe it to myself to be better, but I just can't manage to return the favor. Oh well, that's it.