Disguise

Almost done

Sunday, November 26, 2006 // 12:07 PM

So break is officially over and I'm getting ready to pack up and head back to Morgantown. After that upset yesterday, I'm not so sure that I want to face classes. I thought for sure they would at least beat USF but of course we get to cocky and lose it. Story of our lives right?

I haven't used this font in so long, I forgot it even existed. I'm not to fond of Times but whatever.

Break was not too bad. I mean, I didn't get anything accomplished except being lazy like always. I didn't do any homework but I did do some re-evaluating in some aspects. I have this friend (for all you who actually read this, it's not you, so don't worry) who is turning out to be a real debbie downer. All he does is bring me up and let me down really hard. I liked him, a lot, at one point but now I realize that they only reason he wanted to hang out with me was to get at my sister. Story of my life. I love my sister but sometimes I curse the fact that she is prettier than me. It just doesn't seem fair, however immature that sounds. I'm just more hurt with him. He was the only thing that I thought was real for a while, and now... yeah. So now, I have decided that it's time to concentrate on me. I have been neglecting my duties as a girl to be "girly." Oh sure, all of my friends will tell you have an unhealthy addiction to shoes. But I mean focusing on my studies and getting the right amount of sleep and listening to music all the time and enjoying the winter/summer/spring/fall or whatever. This is my time to be me. This is my season. I always seem to flourish in the winter cause that's just my favorite time of year. That is, until I get bored with it and decide that I want summer back.

So yeah, sorry to those of you whom I have offended by being distant or seemingly uncaring. That wasn't it. I was just merely distracted by someone who doesn't deserve it. I love all of you more than you will know and I'm so very happy that our paths have crossed. Without you.. I probably wouldn't be alive. Either that or just severely unhappy and thinking of jumping off my deck in a back tuck.

Let It Roll.....

Wednesday, November 22, 2006 // 12:43 AM

So I wrote some earlier but I decided to finish up my day by actually finishing my day. It's hard for me too see this color of font on my screen cause it's white now, but it won't ben once I post it :). So I went to baristas by myself to work on some homework but I really wasn't very productive. I have trouble focusing. After that I drove to Keydash just for the heck of it. I was bored and felt kind of akward (not really depressed but not really happy either). I sat there on the picnic table for about 20 minutes talking to Todd on the phone. The I took off because it was way to cold and creepy out there by yourself. I drove around somemore; taking the long way to PC.. well actually I took and even longer way and ended up in Sistersville first. Then I came home and sat around for a bir waiting for my mommy to get home. She brought some dinner and we watched Mary Tyler Moore. I got kind of irritated with Shannon. She and her boyfriend of approx. 3 weeks broke up and she was kind of sad, which I understand. But then she was just going on and on about how she was so lonely and that it wouldn't really be any problem for her to find a new boyfriend. This is where I started getting perturbed. Here I am, single for over 4 years now and she has the nerve to sit there and say that it's easy. Yeah, right. She was kidding that she was just going to take Todd. i was like, "if you did that, then I would push both of you off a cliff." Okay, things with Todd. We aren't dating. We are just friends. And it's good that way. I almost completely screwed that one up about 2 months ago but I'm glad that we worked through it... or at least I did. Sometimes I get the vibe that he is into my sister, which wouldn't surprise me. Any guy that I like sees her and they instantly want to drop me and hang with her. However, the only thing that she has that I don't is skinniness. Sometimes I feel that I have a better personality but then again, whos to judge. The issue of weight constantly runs through my mind. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it at least 20934209 times. I just wish I had the will and the care for myself to actually do it. Maybe I need sent somewhere to prove to myself that I am worth, because honestly, I don't feel like I deserve anything. That's just my opinion. I owe it to myself to be better, but I just can't manage to return the favor. Oh well, that's it.

homework... or not homework

Tuesday, November 21, 2006 // 6:48 PM

Today has been absolutely disappointing. I haven't done anything. I only saw my mom for 20 minutes and then she had to go to work. I woke up today around 11:30 because Shannon said she was hungry and wanted food. Okay. So I got up and got my shower to get ready. I played a few rounds of Mario Kart w/ my brother when suddenly my sister left and went to NM. All she had to do was say something. I was WAITING FOR HER. So mom called me and said that she was in New Martinsville and I told her the whole story about waking up and waiting for her and blah blah blah blah. Mom was kind of confused why she did that too. But oh well. So Shannon called me and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up at Walmart. I said no. Josh and I ran down to Convenient to get some hamburger meat. I made hamburgers and that was our lunch. (mind you, this was at almost 2 o' clock.) I played MORE video games and now I'm trying to decide if I want to do my homework or not. It's physics... which makes me angry anyway. I hate doing it. I can never get a perfect score! EVER! Oh well, peace.

it's break, so why does it suck so much?

Sunday, November 19, 2006 // 9:41 PM

so far, my break has been pretty worthless... well, let me rephrase that. from now on, my break is going to be pretty worthless. friday i came home and we all went to choo choos later that night. alright, that's cool. then saturday morning i got my hair fixed and my mom and i ran to new martinsville to do some errand running and getting things ready for thanksgiving. came home, watch the OSU vs. MSU game, but halfway through I decided to go for a run. i was really surprised by how well i was doing. i jogged all the way to the other end of town, circling in and out of backroads and highway without really stopping. occasionally i had to stop to fix my headphones but i was then quickly on my way. i got all the way to 3rd ave, right in front of mr. bertozzi's house when i wasn't looking down and i hit a pothole. i was wearing my shox so of course my ankle just went limp. i slammed to the ground and scraped my knee really badly. worse off, i have obliterated what strength i had left in my right ankle. this isn't the first time i have done this. it's sooooo swollen and i can bearly walk on it. i can't straighten it, i can't flex my toes very well without forcing them against the ground, nothing. so tomorrow i think my mom is going to run me to new martinsville to go to the doctor and get it checked out. my dad thinks it is one of two things: i have either really really really badly sprained my ankle or i have broken a bone that was connected to a tendon and it is now completely dislocated from my fibula. either way, it sucks. and since thanksgiving break is only a week long, i'm going to have some serious trouble navigating my way around morgantown. we live sort of a distance from downtown so with crutches, it's going to take twice as long. i could just drive i guess, but i hate paying for parking, or better yet, finding a parking spot. i posted a comment on casie's blog not too long ago about how there is no simplicity in life. this just further more proves the fact that nothing is simple. i can't ever go on break and just have a good time, somthing always happens. ALWAYS. it's usually not good either. so maybe one day, just once, i will actually have something good happen to me. i can hope right?

guess what

Thursday, November 09, 2006 // 9:55 PM

my scalp tingles.